Super Sizemores: Party of 4: Silas II 2.5 Months Adjusted II Maternity Leave + L-I-V-I-N (Also, don't forget about SAWYER!)

5.3 Months Old
2.5 Months Adjusted.
10 lbs 4 oz.
Cute as hell.

OH HEY BUDDY! Man, you are teaching your family so many important lessons right now. Slow down, pay attention to the small stuff. Prioritize moments, not things. Give yourself a breather. Do I sound like a super cliche Instagram account? Probably, but it’s all relevant so I’m going to leave it here.

This experience for your Mama has only very recently begun to feel like what would traditionally be experienced of a full-term babies mothers maternity leave. Your doctors appts have decreased to only once per week. You are starting to really wake up and express your opinions. You prefer not to be left alone. Your cries can be easily differentiated between hunger, pain or loneliness. Loneliness cues are those that most frequently determine how much you and I get done in a day and how much your mama sleeps at night. Our daily accomplishment bar is set very low. We'll take any combination of eating, drinking enough water, showering and/or going for a walk. None of this full, magical combination has happened for weeks and that’s perfectly ok. I’m very "Type A", like to get shit done, but I am reminded of my maternity leave with your older brother, and reminisce on how I learned to give myself some grace in these unbelievably beautiful, trying times. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s real, it feels (mostly) normal and gives your mama some much needed (albeit exhausting) comfort.

This phase of maternity leave is in stark contrast to the first few months of your existence, where my daily routine was to get up, shower and head to the hospital to engage with doctors and nurses and therapists and social workers and sometimes I even got to snuggle with you. When I think of this Summer to Fall seasonal transition, I welcome it with open arms. It marks a progression in both of our recoveries and I could not be more grateful. Grateful for your survival, your relentless fight, for the grace and time given to me from my work family and the patience I’ve learned to allow for my own emotional and mental recovery.

You are such a happy baby 80% of the time. Happiest when you have an empty tummy, sadly. We’ve shifted to 100% gastronomy tube (feeding tube) feedings, as you recently developed a pretty strong oral aversion in spite of your mamas best efforts and we don’t want to further exacerbate that condition - it could result in much longer term digestion and developmental speech delays. You’re still loving the pacifier and feeding snuggle time with mom, and choking/spit-ups have essentially ended, thank goodness. You coo and talk, you are so opinionated, we can tell by your range of voice and eye contact what you intend to get across. You don’t like to be alone, would rather be in the kitchen or living room with all the noise and action. You actually sleep better amongst the noise than you do in isolation with white noise. Who would’ve thought this would be the case with a 128 day NICU baby? You have a social nature, just like your daddy.

Im back working again (from home) for a few reasons, it’s our teams busiest time of year so I feel it necessary to engage right now and my team (and clients) are willing to oblige. Also I simply love my job and miss it terribly (plus in a weird way it actual benefits my own mental wellbeing - BONUS!) . Conference calls are challenging but I’m able to address needs between feedings and thankfully have the best husband ever who can take care of you on days I need to be physically in the office. Some days it’s full time. Some days it’s part time. All I can say is I’m grateful for my team, my clients, and their patience and holy shit they’re smart. Thank you: you know who you are.

Currently struggling with what to do for your day to day care when I go back to work full time physically end of Nov, maybe Dec. Nannies are expensive and out of my pay range (at least full time). In-home daycares would be my preference but with your immune system’s susceptibility to disease and infection I have trouble with this option as well. I trust in your daddy and my ability to make the best decision for you, it’s just taking a minute to wrap our heads around it.

You’re cute.
I love you with all my heart, which grows two sizes larger each day.
Thank you for snuggling with me constantly and showing us what you need. We are here and listening, sweet boy.

ALSO, let us not forget your beautiful big brother! Hey Sawyer! We are so so proud of you for starting 2nd grade and CRUSHING IT. You are doing so well in school in reading and math, we are unbelievably proud of you. Also last weekend your daddy (and I) decided it was time for you to get to join him on his last weekend of bowhunting elk. This was your first time out hunting with dad and I could not be more proud of you both. You didn't catch anything (mama prefers the term "catch" to "kill"), but I guarantee a lifetime of memories were made. Good job to my first baby boy and his very patient, handsome, man of the woods daddy. You two melt my heart.