7 Months Old.
11 lbs 6.5 oz.
23" Long
Buddy, it's been a minute - we have been BUSY. Who knew so much could take place in a matter of 6 weeks? Also your mama has gone back to work (albeit from home), but this laptop is reserved for work and sadly your blog comes second - but I promise to get back on it!! But oh buddy look how far we've come! 6 weeks ago I was at a complete loss for what our future held in terms of your medical condition and what type of care you would need when I go back to work full-time given your oral aversion and dependency on your G-tube. I was lost and terrified at what might happen and how we could manage this pretty major challenge. You had such a strong oral aversion, the moment you even saw a bottle you would choke and gag - it was so scary. Per the advice of your speech therapist, dietician and physical therapist (all of whom we see on a weekly basis), we halted all oral/bottle feedings and went to 100% gravity (g-tube) feedings during the day. This was a major setback but one we took in stride as we fully understood the implications of continued oral feedings with a negative sensory experience - should it continue it could have resulted in refusal of food altogether, speech delays and other awful long term damage for years to come. We were terrified but were chugging along as we have this entire time. As such, in true Silas fashion, you were having NONE OF THAT business and apparently just wanted to take to things on your own time. The following is by far one of my most favorite stories to date, teaching us all a number of lessons:
a. your mama needs to not be so god damned rigid and should be reminded she can't control everything (this talking in the third person is getting really weird BTW, but I'll go with it bc I guess now I've set the precedent)
b. doctors (and therapists, and statistics, and medical studies) aren't always right
c. trust your gut (and your partners gut)
d. ...your daddy is sometimes (sometimes) right.
After our setback and switching to a full 2 weeks of 100% G-tube feedings (zero bottles), I had surrendered to the idea you would be fully on g-tube until you (hopefully) began eating solids - but even that was a long shot. One Saturday I went out to a good friends going away party and left you with your daddy for the first time. He was left with strict instructions to gravity-feed you for all feedings. A few hrs in I received a text from your daddy: "Your son just took half a bottle of milk". I was equal parts completely livid and impressed with that daddy of yours. How dare he?!? But also WHAT?!? I will forever be thankful for that bold move, because ever since he did that, you have worked your way up to 100% bottle feedings during the daytime and are LOVING IT. Thank God for your daddy because I guarantee I never would've had the courage to chance it. This is why I married that handsome dude, BTW. You've now gotten the hang of it and have had zero chokes, gags, or spit-ups. Your night feed is still on the continuous pump but that's fine, we'll be dealing with that for a while and that's just fine. All of this is a solid reminder for us to follow your lead, don't count you out, and listen to your cues. Also I guess I'll start listening to your daddy more...UGH.
Even better news, as I've been super stressed about going back to work and agonizing over what to do about your care, the stars somehow aligned and we've landed in the best possible situation for you. Your amazing Auntie Amber (my sister in law) is going to watch you 3 days a week (and she is an amazing mama and you are so super lucky you'll get to be in her care), your Grandpa will take you each Thursday, and your daddy will be switching up his whole schedule so he can watch you every Friday. To say I am grateful is an understatement. My goal was to keep you in isolation through this cold/flu/RSV season as your sweet little immune system is so fragile, and I can't even tell you how happy I am that we've somehow managed to arrange care in a way that keeps you in isolation. We'll need to reevaluate this in May but for now your mamas heart is so full and finally at rest.
You are teaching me so many lessons I otherwise never would've had the opportunity to learn. This is a month of gratitude and boy am I grateful for you, your fighting spirit, our beautiful village of generous souls and our ability to roll with this beautiful life we've been given. Thank you for being my teacher and for giving me the strength to move forward when I struggle to do so. I love you more than you can imagine, little one. I am so so grateful you are here with us.
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