Happy Holidays

Cuddles under the tree keep us warm at night.

walk slow

Who would've thought that going on a simple walk around our neighborhood could be SO MUCH FUN? You are such a fun dude to hang with and exploring our neighborhood is most definitely our new favorite hobby. Your little legs won't get us anywhere quickly and you’re quite the little explorer so we had a slow go of it on our (first ever) walk to the park.

At first I wanted to help rush it so we could get to the park before it started raining again, but within half a block you had me wrapped around your curious little pinky finger. Leaves, clouds, trees, trucks, grass, trains, fire trucks, PUDDLES! We wore our boots on purpose – puddle jumping was at the top of our agenda. Little puddles, big puddles – you don’t discriminate. All the while, walking your doggie Lucy. With Lucy you are attentive, always careful to not trip on her leash and making sure she keeps up “Come on, Goose!” you proclaim; she will always oblige. Good girl, Goo...that ole girl keeps up pretty well. She, however, is not as big a fan of puddles as you are.

Today was such fun, once again you schooled me on a few things...Here we go:

Pay attention.

Look around.

Name colors.

Look up – birds and trees and clouds.

Look down – Rocks and moss, bushes and leaves and PUDDLES.

Look forward.

Don’t look back – we've been there, we know all about it, it’s boring. ;-)

Jump. ALWAYS JUMP! This is my favorite – please mama, always jump. Jump up, jump down, jump in puddles, jump up steps, jump down mountains. Always jump.

Get dirty.

It’s going to rain. Get wet. It’s cool.

Most importantly…Walk slow. Walk slow so you can enjoy every minute. Because sometimes, on a cold, rainy fall day, magic happens. Magic rules.

Walk slow, little babe. Walk slow. 

Santa = Satan?

You LOVE Santa.

But when you SAY Santa, it sounds like Satan. It's funny and cute and so you.

Little Feet Christmas Party

Last night we packed up and went to your very first Christmas party, boy was it just loads of fun...and very eye opening for your daddy and I, who rarely get to observe you in your 'natural environment' with all of your friends!

You have some pretty special friends at school, so it was time to suit up and march into the madness of 20ish kids between 3 months + 5 years (and all of their parents) and party on down.

It just warms my heart to see that you have SO MANY friends at school! Who knew a 22 month old could be such a popular dude?!? It probably has something to do with the fact that they moved you into the preschool class about 9 months early, so you've had a chance to acclimate, playing with girls and boys a tad older than you. They all love you to pieces and take such great care of you! All of the little 4-5 year old girls dressed in their beautiful Christmas dresses yelled your name when they discovered you had arrived. One by one, they would run up to give you a big squeeze - and of course, you delighted in reciprocating. What a stud.

The real highlight was watching you hang with your best bud, Benny! We first learned of Benny a few months ago from your teachers. He was new at school and the two of you are only about 3 weeks apart in age. You two are like twins - it's just the cutest dang thing! As soon as you both warmed up (it was pretty overwhelming in there with all of those people!), you were like two peas. We watched you play with absolutely nothing all night. No toys, just you two. You seem to be the alpha in the relationship - whatever you do, he's happy to follow. If you're jumping, Benny's jumping. If you're walking on your knees, Benny's close behind. You and Benny played in your fort (under the fold-up tables) for quite a while, giggling and chasing each other. The three of us played ring around the rosie (your favorite game right now), and then you two played for a while, and fell ON each other. Apparently there's also a 3rd musketeer who's one of your favs at school, but she was busy working the room. Her name is Amelia and she's a sassy little thing, so full of personality. Sadly, we didn't get to play with her much, but you and Benny were happily in your own little world. Here you boys are:

And here's you and Amelia, your other best friend at school:

The night ended with a visit from Santa. Sadly, it was pretty close to what should have been your bedtime, so by this time, your patience was wearing thin. From a distance, you were totally cool with the old bearded guy. You even waved to him as you got closer, saying "Hi Satan". But the minute you were (almost) placed on his lap, no dice. (Note: you were snatched out of my arms by our least favorite teacher at the last minute, so I am naturally not in any Santa pics, nor could I comfort you when you started crying. She has no kids of her own, she doesn't get it. We'll forgive her, some day. Grrr.). Santa got you an awesome Thomas the Train set and your secret santa (Benny) got you a super rad Sesame Street truck. So thankful for all of your friends and your social butterfly ways. 

Your very first Thomas the Train Set - what a happy boy!!

30 Days of Thanks: Day 30

It’s the final day of November.

The final day of '30 days of thanks'. If I'm being honest, it's made a bigger impact than expected.

This month has been wild. I've had some drastic ups and some pretty awful downs this month. Life isn't always easy. In fact it’s pretty darn hard. But the best part of it all, I know that for the rest of my life, I’ll never have a day as bad, simply because you’re here. Really. Before you came along, I didn't know how deep love could feel (yeah yeah, queue the violins).  You were born and my heart doubled in size, perspective broadened. You delivered a new context to my greatest challenges. When times are tough, I remember that I have you.

This month, it was inspiring and challenging to think of one thing I was thankful for, every single day. Some days it was easy and tough to narrow down. Others, I had to dig deep (yes, I hate to admit it). No matter the day, I found myself paying more attention – to everything. Looking at life differently, trying to remind myself of the little things I was thankful for, because I had to document it. It got me into the habit of looking for those things and moments, and being 100% aware and present in that moment even more because the homework I’d given myself said I had to. Before too long, it became natural. After this month, I pledge to do more of this. Do more paying attention, more appreciating, and more acknowledging the little things in life that I am thankful for.

So what am I thankful for on this final day of 30 days of thanks?

Of course I’m thankful for you, little bud. You light up my life.

But today I’m thankful for these reminders to give thanks for the mundane, for the every day, for the tiny moments that can’t be captured on my iphone.

So thankful. 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 29

Today we’rethankful for bathtub crayons!

Grandma got thesefor her house and I’ll be honest, I was not super excited about these. Afterall, they are technically teaching you to draw on non-paper surfaces. But then,you love LOVE coloring with crayons. You know all of your colors and you love watchingdaddy and I draw shapes (you know all of them), numbers (you know the first 5or so). We could tell there was a part of you that wondered if this bathtubcoloring was legal at home. But as soon as we put your worries at ease,  you had ad it. Pretty cute.

Of course daddyhad to take it to the next level and draw ON you. Whatever, still fun.

It’s the littlethings, bud. 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 28

Today I’m thankful for something you now do every single day. It makes sleeping in my bed, just a few yards away from your bed, that much more AWESOME.

Here’s the scene:

You wake up in the am, in my groggy still sleeping(ish) state, I can hear the pitter patter of your little feet running across the kitchen floor and into our bedroom. I sleep on the door-side, so you come launching onto me, as you jump onto the bed, there’s typically a Sawyer-sized spot right next to me. You know I’m sleeping, so you crawl up onto your belly and lay right on my chest, with your little hands nestled under your chin. You whisper “hi mama” and I can see your pearly white smile in the dark.

Then you’ll venture into some story about airplanes, trucks, babies or bears. On the best days, you perk your head up, look at daddy and launch over to wake up daddy after proclaiming “Daddy’s sleeping. Daddy – Get up!”.

You in the morning is by far, the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. You’re lovey, cuddly, energetic, sweet, and you run everywhere.

Today (and every day) I’m thankful for your sweet morning moments. J

30 Days of Thanks: Day 27

We love to color! This is your latest trick. You love coloring and naming all of the colors as you use them. You like drawing all of your favorite things: boats, airplanes, trucks, and happy faces.

Tonight you colored with Grandpa.

Today we are thankful for coloring.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 26

Today we're thankful for trains. I mean, I guess we're thankful for trains every day (and airplanes, and trucks and boats). But you just LOVE building your train track, "fixing it", racing cars on it, and trying every variation of its setup. It's pretty cute. You are definitely all boy. 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 25

It’s crazy the little things you pick up along the way. I forget how closely you watch us. We had just let sweet Lucy out the front door to go potty and plopped back on the couch. She lets us know she’s ready to come back in by barking. We heard her alarm, but were far too lazy to get up, so thought we’d give it a minute. From the other room, I heard the front door open for a second and then close. As Lucy cruised into the living room, your daddy and I looked at each other in amazement.Did he just go let Lucy in by himself? The fact that you recognized she needed to come in isn't a surprise – you love your ‘goose’ and are pretty in touch with where she is most of the time. But you know how to open the front door?That’s scary. And you care enough to let her in when she’s done going potty? Well,that’s just adorable.

Today we’re thankful you love Lucy so much and are learning so quickly how to take care of her!

30 Days of Thanks: Day 24

Today we’re thankful for daddy, who is so understanding and takes such great care of you when mama has to get out for a bit. Today I went to the Civil War football game while you bummed around with Daddy. You guys went to a bid and then you went with him to Debbie’s for Friendsgiving – it sounds like you were fun and social as always, you played cars with the boys and headed home early.

So, thanks daddy, for taking such great care of this little guy. 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 23

Today, we’re thankful for cuddle time! Truth be told, you’ve never been a big cuddler. You’re wiggly and sitting still just isn't your thing. That’s alright for me, but I am a huge cuddler; unfortunately for me, your daddy is not a fan, so I usually have to depend on poor little Lucy for my cuddle cravings. Today you cuddled up with me on the couch to watch your Airplanes movie, and nestled right under my arm on my chest. Let me tell you, it was heaven. I pulled my phone out to capture the moment (because it is so rare), and I caught you just as you were drifting off. It was just precious. Your little eyes getting heavy as you drifted off into dreamland, on my chest. We were under mamas favorite blanket,warm in front of the fire, in a completely silent house. All we could hear was the rain.

It was one of those absolutely perfect moments that I’ll hold dear for a long time.

I am thankful forthose little perfect moments when everything just falls into place, and youcuddle me. J

Just us three. :-)

30 Days of Thanks: Day 22

Dare I say, this was quite possibly the best Thanksgiving your mama has ever had! It was my very first time hosting Thanksgiving, and I impressed even myself! The day started off perfectly – you came and woke up mama (like most days) and we ventured into the kitchen to start cooking! You helped me clean the bird (you loved saying turkey, over and over again). We then got the stuffing ready, which you seasoned all by yourself. You love helping mama around the kitchen, it’s just about the cutest thing I ever did see.

We’ll have to host more often in the future – that was fun!

Today we’re thankful for family and friends and holidays that remind us just how thankful we are.

Happy Thanksgivingto my favorite little turkey!

30 Days of Thanks: Day 21

We are so crazy thankful for your Grandma! She loves you to pieces. To watch her admire you with such adoration and love is awe inspiring. I can't imagine what it must feel like. You've opened my eyes and heart to so much more love than I ever thought possible. I can't imagine what it must feel like to play with your child's child. She thinks every little thing you do is precious. Her window at work is covered in your photos and she checks in regularly on your blog (Hi Grandma) and your YouTube channel. This lady would do just about anything for you, and for that we are very thankful.

30 Days of Thanks: Day 20

There are a few things people don't tell you when you're about to become a mama for the first time. Many of these things I think are better left for self discovery (why spoil the fun). One element I certainly didn't understand, nor could I fully grasp the concept of without experience, was this idea that once you become a mother, that is your job, first and foremost before anything else. In sickness and in health, whether it's convenient or not, you are #1 a mother and #2 an individual. Right, wrong or indifferent, you are that baby's #1 go-to, frequently at his choice (sorry fellas). It shames me to confess that there have been times I loathed being "the one", sometimes I'm just too tired or in my case right now, too sick to consider taking care of another little person. But as a mother, you do, and you really don't think twice about it until after the fact. It's humbling really, to act on instinct and put aside your own needs in favor of his. You forget about what it is you thought you needed in the moment and instead focus all of your energy on this other tiny person. It's gratifying what it can do to your self-awareness too, as you reinvest energy into someone else - someone who is a natural extension of yourself. Pretty cool how good it truly feels to refocus energy on what matters. It makes you realize how little we really need, and what's important.

Case in point:

For whatever reason, the last 4 days you've been waking around 530am. You typically go to bed between 7-8p and awake around 7-8a. like clockwork. Guess you thought we were bored, because now you stroll right on into our room at 5.30.A.M. The last two days, I've been pretty dang sick, really not feeling well, like, really unwell. This morning, you strolled on into our room, threw your babies (bears) onto my head, and crawled up into our king sized bed, naturally on my side which is conveniently located closest to the door. I groaned as I came to, realizing that I'm still sick (I'm pretty impatient when it comes to this sick business), I tried pulling you into bed and getting you to go back to sleep. That's funny. We don't sleep together, so no, you didn't go back to sleep. "Mama, get up!". As I'm covered in your 6 stuffed animals, your sweet demand melts my heart. I don't want to wake up but I do, because who else will? And, well, you asked me to. We cruise out into the living room and I don't feel one bit of guilt as I turn on your favorite monster truck movie. 

The lights were off (it was still dark outside), I grabbed a blanket and pillow and asked you to come sit with me. You happily obliged, and brought rabbit with you. In this moment, I forgot about how much I despised having to wake up so early, especially while sick as a dog, I forgot about my resentment for being pulled out of my warm comfy bed 2 whole hours before I had to wake up for work. I was sitting on the couch in the darkness with this little guy who only wanted me. After all, he is just barely getting over being sick himself, and he wanted his mommy to get up and watch monster trucks with him - is there anything more flattering than this? No.

How bizarre and humbling. I thought about how I am reminded of this over and over. It's not about what I want or need, it hasn't been for a while, this is about you now. God love ya, you're too little to understand what's going on when mommy's sick. and you shouldn't have to. None of this is about me anymore, and though in the moment, it's a tough thing to get, it quickly becomes the most rewarding, fulfilling and truly humbling feeling ever. 

So what am I thankful for today? In my stupid ridiculous sickness, as I was feeling so sorry for myself for having to wake up so early while I was sick, I saw the light and became thankful that these motherly instincts allow me to take a deep breathe and refocus, and be humble and OK with the fact that I'm the one responsible for this little guy, and it's the best job in the universe.  Thanks for keeping me humble and for the little reminders. 

No, you're not supposed to be able to see this pic, because it's so, so early.