This will be short.
Famous last words.
Your mama was lucky enough to check one major to-do off of her bucket list this year.
She went to the Rose Bowl.
And not just any Rose Bowl - a Rose Bowl where her alma-mater was favored and the spread was +6 points, in our favor.
I will be honored should you choose to attend University of Oregon - it's an outstanding University. But of course I will support you, no matter your collegiate ambitions.
That said, as I sat in the stands, in what I truly expected to be a self-serving, isolated event, I watched these boys, play after play, win and lose. Regardless of the outcome, I thought to myself: 'What if I was his mother', and how damn proud I would be of any one of those players, regardless of the outcome.
In what seemed to be one amazing moment for me, it made me realize that from this point forward, no matter what, I will always view life through the eyes of a mother. I will always see joy and pain through a child's eyes, and I will watch as someones son or daughter fulfills their dreams, or falls just short of it.
I watched the Rose Bowl with butterflies in my stomach and adrenaline running through my veins. But what pulled at my heartstrings was not who won or lost - it was watching the eyes of those who prevailed and those who fell short.  I will always be someone's mother. I will forever be invested in his achievements. My heart will ache for his losses and my soul will celebrate his achievements.
Who knew that one simple Rose Bowl would open my eyes and my soul.

And also, GO DUCKS!

PS: WE WON, for the first time in 95 years. In the words of Ice Cube: I had to say: Today was a good day. 

Christmas

So many awesome things about this Christmas.
1. We actually hunted down the biggest and best Sizemore family Christmas tree that ever existed. It was a true 'Griswold' fashioned tree.
2. Our home was, for the very first time, our very own Christmas wonderland
3. My brand new baby boy got to meet Santa, for the first time, and he didn't even cry! Atta boy
4. I was able to share my #1 favorite sentimental Christmas moment with my very own mini-me, and it was even more special and magical than I anticipated
5. Christmas day with a baby, with his own stocking and his own gifts. It truly doesn't get any better.

What an amazing first Christmas as a family.
We did everything I needed. We got a tree, we decorated it TOGETHER, we sang songs, we played music, we opened stockings, and for my very first time, we actually had our first Christmas eve and Christmas morning in our own home, our own living room, it was truly the best yet.

Highlights:
- Tree hunting: had a questionable run-in with the Russian mafia tree farm; they didn't like my Lucy, so we moved on; found an amazing farm in the hills of Newberg, great help, amazing trees, your daddy did all the cutting - he deserves a medal (again)
- Decorating the tree: We had an 11 ft tree - this means we had to pull out the big ladders. Thank god for vaulted ceilings and a bitty boy who just wants to crawl up on every ladder.
- Christmas Eve: Sawyer's very first midnight mass. We're not super religious people, but there is something so spiritual and magical about a congregation full of believers, lighting that candle and singing 'Silent Night' - it gets me every time. Sawyer made it all the way to mass; no crying, the only issue was keeping him from laughing and singing - worse things have happened. :-)
- Christmas day: Wrapping and bows, stacking and love. So fun for everyone.

<3

Thanksgiving

Every year we go around the table and say what we're thankful for this year.

Every year your Grandma breaks down in tears for one reason or another. Over the last 4 years it's been because of the troops serving abroad who are without their families. God love her.

Over the last 4 years I've rolled my eyes, not because I don't appreciate our troops who give their lives each and every day for my freedom, but because my mother, your Grandma, sheds a tear at the drop of a hat. It's funny, really.

Last year, for the first time in history, I cried at Thanksgiving dinner. I was very prego with you, I blame the hormones.

This year, I didn't break down in hysterics, but I did get teary-eyed. And I didn't apologize for it. I was 100% justified in my sentiment. What am I thankful for? What an absolutely ridiculous question.

But for those who are wondering, here was my list (to the best of my memory) {let it be known that on the actual day of Thanks, I answered with something generic to the tune of 'I'm thankful for my baby', and passed, to avoid the blubbering tears that were certain to commence, but what I meant was...}.

I am thankful for this tiny human who has taught me how to love on an immense grand level.

I am thankful for a patient and loving husband who has proven he is here for the long haul

I am thankful for an insanely handome, charismatic and fun husband who gave me a little baby who is JUST LIKE HIM.

I am thankful for Sawyer Lee, who has grown my heart x1000 - who knew that the word 'love' could ever feel like this? It feels like my heart has been given steroids and has literally grown 2x its size. 

How could I ever have lived the rest of my life without feeling this joy? I couldn't have. And had I, it would have been such a shame.

Thanks

Sawyer's first Spode dinner

Reset.

Before I catch up on Thanksgiving and Christmas posts (oops), I'll talk about today.
You can see based on my last post that we've had a tough go of it. You, teething with a cold and adapting to a new school. Me, insanely busy at work, working too late to get home in time to see you and recovering from yet another crazy cold you've gifted me.
I am lucky enough to have a 3-day weekend, and dare I say I deserve it.
This morning we woke up at 7am, as usual. I put on some tea, you had your breakfast, and we just hung out. Watched cartoons, read books, played blocks, drank tea, caught up. It was so refreshing and completely reenergizing. Today, you were back to your normal self. A bit more cuddly than normal, but you'll never hear me complain about that.
The cutest thing? You still cross your legs like you did in the womb and as a newborn. so adorable.
Here's to our reset button. Thanks for putting me back in check, buddy. Mama needed it.

Heartbreak Hotel

It’s fascinating the different versions of heartbreak that pass through your life.

I remember being 15 when my first “real” boyfriend broke up with me – my world ended, there was no reason to keep on living, this was heartbreak defined.  At the time I could not possibly see through to the light at the end of my teenage drama tunnel.  There have been a handful of life-changing moments that I can honestly qualify as heartbreaking. The past week or so has now been added to that list of moments, or…times.

It is truly amazing the power and accountability that a mother inherits when she has a child.  You are coming up on a year old and a lot of changes have taken place in the last few week:
 -   You had your last day at your baby daycare – the place where you had been since 3 months old. And you’ve graduated to a seemingly more structured, big boy school. At the end of the day, you don’t know these new teachers and you are trying your best to adjust to this new school, structure, schedule and teachers. It’s rough, but you’re doing OK, all things considered.

-         -    In addition, you have a nasty cold (and you’ve been kind enough to share it with me, thanks bud)

-         -   AND you’re teething the big teeth

-          -   AND I’m pretty sure you’re going through another growth spurt. Yowza.

All of this results in a sad, weepy, clingy little guy – which is SO unlike the dude we know: happy go lucky, super social, fearless, sweet and charismatic. You are so fussy and upset, and it is absolutely breaking my heart in a way I never knew possible. In a small way, I’m flattered. All you want in the entire world right now is for ME to hold you, walk you, talk to you, read to you.  Knowing this is completely, utterly heartbreaking because I can’t be with you every moment of every day – even though my gut in my gut tells me I should be there right now and nowhere else.  It feels completely unnatural to drop you off at a (for now) strangers house, go spend 12+ hours away from you, and come home barely in time to kiss you and put you to bed. The only, bitty thing getting me by is knowing that I am working toward a brighter future for you – but still, that doesn’t calm this wild heart I have for you right this second.

So, talk about redefining heartbreak, here we are.

I know this week will pass, and hopefully next week you’ll feel better, but until then you can rest assured that my social calendar is cleared, I’ll be working only from 8p – 5a when you’re sleeping, and I am counting the seconds until I get to see you again. You are my priority, dude. In so many ways.

Miss you, bud.

This working mama business is tough, tough work.

Here’s to getting through this.

December Failies!

Dude, you are getting SO BIG SO FAST!

I remember last year at this time, I was big as a house and reading my friends blogs. I remember thinking to myself: "I'm going to blog every little thing he does", and then reality hits - it's the middle of December. CRAP!  And then December 8th hit - I remember this date because it's the date I realized I completely forgot to do the one thing I really REALLY wanted to do this December: December Dailies. It's where you take one photo of your babe every day in December and document your day. Well, needless to say that didn't happen.   I have much respect for my mommy friends who have the discipline to do this every single day in Dec. Infact, I wasn't even in your same state most days in December, so there's that. Maybe we can do January Jailies. No, that sounds too naughty. February failies? Nope - not happening. I KNOW! Maybe tomorrow, when mommy gets her long awaited christmas present (a big girl camera), she can take one pic a day for the rest of December (especially since I know I get to spend every.single.day with you from now until January 1st - this is HUGE!!). Ok, deal.

Every 5 minutes you do something new. I always think to myself: you should totally blog about this. Take a picture, write a post. And then I take a picture, and don't quite get to the post part.

SO - here is my attempt to catch up. First, a list of things that weren't captured in iphone; Second, those that were.

-  You mimic most noises we make; your favorite noises are a 'questioning' noise, you growl at everything (God knows where you got this), and you yell in pure glee

-  You have discovered your lungs, and you are proud of it! You are learning to throw fits, and in these fits you scream AT us - you aren't simply throwing a fit, you have to make sure we can hear you. We're trying our hardest not to give in, but we both hate this noise so, so much

-  One of your favorite games is the "uh oh" game - where you drop things and watch everyone pick them up for you; we think it's pretty cute too

- You love balls - any size, shape or color - you chase them, throw them, try to chew on them (my 12 year old self can't help but laugh right now)

- You are officially walking everywhere and it's so super cool; everyone is impressed by your skillz and ability to balance; you are practically running, and no I'm not kidding

- Balloons. OMG Balloons. We've hit the jackpot with these puppies. We discovered them after a long day of errands. You were such a trooper in and out of the carseat, 4 different stores, and finally ending up at the grocery store; your big brown eyes lit up like our christmas tree when you saw it, and I just couldn't deny you. You will now ALWAYS have a balloon in the house - they just make you so freakin happy, I can't even stand the cuteness. You take it with you, literally everywhere. I actually took you to the grocery store today, WITH your balloon. Pretty stinkin cute.

-  You parkour anything possible. Over, under, in, out, you are crawling under and out of most chairs, tables, anything you can get yourself under or on top of.

totally underneath EVERYTHING:

-  You still love wrestling with daddy; no doubt you are pure boy and love to be thrown around, upside down, and all over

- You love the broom and insist on carrying it everywhere

-  Your favorite room in the house is the bathroom; you love the tile, the bath toys and toilet paper is your FAV (also, this habit is getting expensive, please knock it off)!

- You love to crawl up Grandma's stairs; I am so happy we don't have our own stairs, but it makes it even more special every time we visit Grandma's house!

-  You are hilarious. It really doesn't take much to make you laugh; it might be my favorite thing about you; you watch everything and can find just about anything fun and entertaining. Makes life sweeter for us all. high-larious

Just because

Typing with one hand, as you're napping on me. We don't do this as often anymore and since you're sickly and I'm feeling cuddly, you ended up in on my shoulder.
Here you are, 10 months old and precious as ever.
This is love.

9 Month Stats!

So, here's the deal: you feel HUGE! We could swear you are way bigger than all other babies your age. Your chubby legs, your long arms. PLUS you are way advanced, you're basically reciting Shakespeare. 

Here are a few of your latest:

- You can launch + stand from a seated position

- (at 9 months) you took 3-4 steps at a time, now that you're 10 months, you're up to 6-8 steps, on to the next one!

- You are super entertained by your daddy; the minute he walks into a room you smile and laugh

- you LOVE your mommy with all your heart, while she may not elicit the same laughing response as daddy, you do love to cuddle and hug her, which in turn melts her heart

- (I think) you have officially said your first word: Dada: you pointed at him as he walked into a room and said dada: I think that's it

- You LOVE animals, any cat/dog/squirrel, you will chase after, guaranteed + you love them licking you, which is 25% disgusting and 75% awesome

- You eat like a mad man; you still have a love affair with your bottle, but you love anything you can chew on

- You are a BITER; you have two full baby teeth on the bottom, 4 partial on the top, and you LOVE to bite. Everything + everyone. It's cute, for now.

9 month stats:

Height: 29": 70%

Weight: 20 lbs, 5 oz: 45%

CFC: 17.5: 25%

Halloween Festivities!

Remember that time I promised to update your blog ALL THE TIME?

Remember the time I counted how many weeks/months old you were and would update your blog with your stats - constantly? 

That was cute. 

Apparently, life takes over, and when I do actually have spare time, I'm either playing with you or sleeping - there is no in-between. Please forgive me. 

Here's what I do know: As of this blog post (halloween) you were just shy of 10 months. 

You had taken a several steps 3-4 at a time (which weren't documented = bad mommy).

You are eating like an adult. 

You stand every time you're supposed to be sitting (highchair)

You feel HUGE to us, far superior to every other baby your age (total unbiased opinion, clearly).

Halloween was FUN this year!! We went to the pumpkin patch twice, daddy brought you to my work party where there were ponies, reptiles, a candyland exhibit, nickelodeon GAK, and all kinds of other fun stuff for kids. 

The pumpkin patch was the best part - you seemed tired and not too into it until I let you down. This, as I'm learning, is key. While you love to be held, you really shine when we let you take in the scenery from the ground floor. This was (one of) our first experiences having other parents glare with looks of sincere disapproval - and it only fueled our fire. We let you crawl around in the pumpkins - it started with a photo opp in the patch, and you just took it from there, and took OFF. It was too cute, we just couldn't stop it, and what's a little dirt going to hurt anyone? Queue: rolling eyes, pointing, and gasps that these amateur parents let their 9 month old crawl around in dirt. Don't you know dirt kills people? Guess what judgers: it doesn't. In fact, our kid had a BLAST rolling around in the dirt, and he's still alive, so there.  Here's proof:

The Day Before Thanksgiving

Before catching up on the last 2 months (oops!), I'm going to write about today.
The day before Thanksgiving, I am so thankful to have the day off, and while I was tempted to take you to daycare (since we ARE paying for it), I couldn't help but keep you home all to myself - even if it meant compromising the hundreds of errands I had to run today. Oh well!

I miss you every day.
In some ways, it gets easier: Routine, schedule, it's good for you AND me, I have me time, it just so happens I love my job and like being there, it just so happens you love your daycare and your friends.
In some ways, it gets harder: you are clapping, walking, almost talking, waving, laughing like a mad man, you are growing like a weed, teeth are coming out of every corner of your mouth.
At the end of the day, I know our situation is right for us, but it makes me cherish these random days when it's just you and me, catching up on all that we've missed.

Today was perfect - just a chill day running errands (you love the grocery store, thank GOD!), and then we came home and just PLAYED. You are so fun these days, you love laundry baskets, the dogs are your best friends at home, books are your favorite, and you LOVE your mommy (SCORE!).

Now, to set the stage: you took your first few steps at just 8.5 months - since then, you've come to realize that the quickest way from Point A to Point B is via crawling, but you are becoming WAY more courageous. Ok, back to the story...

I had just finished the 3rd reading of your favorite book (Peek a Who?!?) and got up to run to the kitchen. You got lonely quickly (as you always do) and started yelling; not screaming, not crying, but yelling. Just a friendly reminder that you're here, waiting for more playtime. I came back into the room - your face lit up (and my heart melted, as it always does when you give me this face). I saw that you were launching off of the ottoman and I knelt down - at this point, you took an impressive 8 steps toward your mommy - arms wide open, face so happy, adorable gummy grin as you fell into my arms. You walked 8 steps and fell into my arms, and of course, I started crying, bawling, actually. You had taken a few steps before, but this was by far the longest you had traveled on those two chubby legs. Not to retrieve a toy, or chase the dogs, you walked with confidence and determination to hug your mommy. It is these moments that remind me what life is all about. In that moment, nothing else mattered. You are growing and walking and becoming more handsome by the minute, and while I am sad that I can't be here with you every minute of every day, I am SO thankful that I have the honor of witnessing these epic moments that in my heart of hearts I know are reserved just for you and me.

Just an ordinary day made extraordinary by the simple things in life. Thank God for you, baby boy.
I love you. (and yeah, I'm crying as I write this, you'll understand some day).

here's you, after you walked all the way across the living room (just taking a few steps in this vid, old news: