One year ago...

Hopefully I’ll have something more eloquent and wise to share tomorrow, on your actual Birthday.

For now, I am finding myself looking back at where I was one year ago today, feeling introspective and thought I’d get it down on the blog (as I so rarely do these days).

One year ago right this second - In terrifying labor pain (at this exact time, the epidural had worn off at 8-9cm dilated and it was excruciating), completely clueless as to how much my life would change and excited, anxious and a bit nervous to become a first time mom. 

I had no clue what I was doing but something drove me forward.

It was in my gut – pun intended. I knew that everything had lead up to only this and I was so lucky to have been graced with this amazing opportunity to become a mother.

Your daddy and I would arrive at the hospital as a family of two and leave a family of three.

It’s true what they say – that your entire life, your whole world changes in one instant.

In that instant, I became a better person. A more loving wife, a more compassionate friend, a more helpful daughter and a more understanding friend.

From that moment forward, I would view the world through the eyes of a mother.

I feel others joys and pains in a deeper way, because those people are someone’s baby.

I want to make the world a better place for my baby, and his babies someday. Though my time is limited, they will keep going, and my heart will grow just the same.

There are no words for this unbelievable love – it’s true that you just don’t know…until you know.

Today I thought a lot about one year ago today and the truth is, it’s almost as if time didn’t exist before you came along.

Tomorrow, Feb 1^st, is your birthday.

Tonight I came home from a quick business trip to SF and couldn’t wait to be under one roof. I knew you’d be sleeping, I just wanted to know that we were both there and you were in the other room. I snuck in and sat there next to your crib, listening to you breathe. So peaceful, so sweet.

You’re all I need – it’s simply impossible to have a bad day, or a rough life with you around.

I love you buddy.

Happy Birthday tomorrow.  J

(pics to come)